Monday 28th February

8pm. Jane has slept most of today but she did have a little porridge for breakfast and some custard at lunchtime. The morning wash pretty much wears her out. She was awake when the doctors came around and told them that she had just about had enough - she wasn't specific but I don't think she was just referring to the morning wash routine.

I spoke with the docs afterwards and we agreed that we are all witnessing a steady decline but that none can predict its likely duration. In Leo's words "it's like her body's just not strong enough to bare her soul any more".

I didn't go to work at all day - I felt the need to spend time with Jane. She is very peaceful and relatively pain free except when she is moved.

We continue to get the most wonderful messages of support and cards too. I relay all messages to Jane - even if she doesn't open her eyes I know that she absorbs them - something like osmosis.

My reading matter has changed. I have finished the Montaigne biography and returned to an old friend - Patrick Leigh Fermor - "Mani". Jacquee M sent me "A Time of Gifts" years ago and I have loved him ever since.

The picture was taken on Christmas morning in 2006; it's absolutely Jane.

God bless you.

Sunday 27th February

5.30pm. I have been with Jane most of the day. I stayed with her whilst she was being washed and turned (to relieve pressure points) by the nurses. They are as gentle as they can be but I am now much more aware of how immobile Jane has become, how weak she is and how physically reduced. She has been asleep most of the day but has eaten some porridge, drunk some juice through a straw and took a cup of custard. I feed Jane the custard with a teaspoon. She seems to know instinctively when the spoon is at her lips (she doesn't open her eyes) and she guides the spoon back out of her mouth with her fingers - this is the most intimate act we share now - much more than the affectionate peck on the cheek that I give her from time to time. It's just very special.

As I type, Lydia is with Jane. Leo and I will go up later. There is little more I can say for now.

God bless you.

Saturday 26th February

7pm. I confess that I came home to watch England's battle against France - exhausting to watch, never mind to play in. Lydia and Maggie were with Jane. Earlier this afternoon Jane wolfed down some custard but straight afterwards was back to sleep.

I am about to have supper with Leo and will go back straight afterwards.

I have had a number of lovely phone calls today - thank you for those - and for all the other emails and messages.

God bless you.

Saturday 26th February

2pm. Jane has been asleep all day apart from a couple of moments of wakefulness. I will blog again later.

Friday 25th February

7pm. Jane is more tired today - but peaceful. She has had a little to eat. The nurses have given her some medication to ease her aching bones and make her more comfortable. She does not have quite as much colour and I believe she may be a little weaker - this is part of a pattern with which we are becoming familiar.

Thank you all for your messages. Jane had a beautiful card from Cyprus today, now by her bed.

And, Sue, thank you for your message re Leo's quilt. He was with me when I picked it up and is thrilled and sends many thanks - you're a star. I know Jane will really appreciate that.

Thank you all for your continuing texts, messages, emails etc - it is all quite humbling.

God Bless you.

Thursday 24th February

I want to start this evening (8pm, Shane) by thanking all of you for your prayers and messages of support both for Jane and for me and the children. I write something along these lines every evening - we do sincerely appreciate what you do for us.

Jane had a little porridge for breakfast and has had some custard at supper time. However, she is very tired and uncomfortable. She had visits today from Jonathan and her mother and also from Ellie and Richard Morgan from St Paul's - a full day for anyone and probably a bit on the steep side for Jane.

When I left her she was sleeping and I hope that she will be peaceful through the rest of the night. I pray that she will have a quieter day tomorrow.

The picture was taken in Gozo in 2008.

God bless you

Wednesday 23rd February

Sometimes I worry a little about getting the balance right here - whether we say enough or too much. I think I said yesterday that Jane was more wakeful; she was and she is today - but she is also quite distressed. It must be like coming up out of a coma. She expressed her unhappiness at being in the hospice for "what feels like weeks". She is concerned about the drugs that she is on (actually very low doses), she gets cross with us over little things (we can deal with that) and I think she is just thoroughly fed up to the back teeth - and why shouldn't she be? It is a real benefit that the children and I can sit and share our thoughts in this respect.

When I left her this evening to come and have supper with Leo she was much quieter and calmer but these wild peaks of awareness are really hard to deal with both for her and for us. I don't recall if I mentioned I am reading a fantastic biography of Montaigne; his philosophy of suspending judgement on virtually everything seems entirely appropriate for just now - what a timely find!

You really have sent us some wonderful and uplifting messages, blog comments, emails and cards. We relay to Jane what she cannot see; she knows how much you all care.

This journey continues to be full of surprises - one day at a time.

God bless you.

Tuesday 22nd February

7pm. As soon as I fear the worst, or write the worst, Jane bucks up a bit! She is much more awake today and has had a couple of small bowls of custard. She hasn't spoken a great deal but she has shot a couple of sharp looks when I haven't got things quite right.

It has been busy too. Her dear friend, Sara, from Oasis womens' group spent a little time with Jane and Leo this morning. She was followed by Karen this afternoon (who was over from Paris) - we have known Karen and Mike since our days at SHAPE back in the mid 90s. Then Jonathan and Cherry came for a little while, dashing down from Oxford and then dashing back!

Jane can only take visitors in tiny chunks - 5 or 10 minutes at most; it leaves her pretty tired. She is a marvel though and I can only wonder at her strength.

I can't wait to tell her that the Cornish Pasty has been awarded special status by the EC. My mum would have been thrilled too.

Continued thanks for prayers and messages.

God bless you.

Monday 21st February

The children were with Jane this morning whilst I sped up to Shrivenham to sit an exam; I rejoined them at lunchtime. Jane had a quiet night but the doctors have increased her painkillers to make her more comfortable in the bed. She is only rarely awake now but she does open her eyes and acknowledge a new face when someone enters the room.

The doctors assess that she is starting to slip off the little plateau upon which she has been perched for the past few days - I think we sense it too. We now just need to take each day as it comes and place our faith in God and pray for Jane's peace and comfort.

I am receiving so many messages now and I can only repeat to you all here how much they mean. I will be in touch individually eventually.

God bless you.

Sunday 20th February

Jane was awake early(ish) this morning and had a little porridge. I think she has been slightly more wakeful today because I fear there are now more pressure spots. As she becomes weaker she is less easily able to move in the bed and so these sore spots develop very quickly.

Jane's very dear friends, Shirley and John, popped in briefly at midday. We have known each other ever since before the children were born and when Jane was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 1992 (!!), it was Shirley who scooped the rest of us up and helped us to cope.

After lunch, Lydia, Luke and I all went back to see Jane and I stayed on after they went home. Jane is still a bit restless; I am going back there shortly. Leo has delayed his return to London.

Cards and wonderful messages continue to arrive - thank you.

The picture was taken in the Gaudi park in Barcelona back in 2008 - a wonderful little holiday.

God bless you.

Saturday 19th February

Jane is sleeping most of the time at the moment - in excess of 20 hours a day at the moment. She missed breakfast but did have a little custard (surprise, surprise) at lunchtime.She is comfortable, peaceful and not in any pain.

Be assured that when she is awake she is capable of issuing the clearest directions!

Jane's dear friend, Caroline, made a day trip from Edinburgh to see her today - it was lovely to see her and Leo and I were able to have lunch with her before she dashed back to the Airport.

Thank you all for your love at this time from all of us.

God bless you.

Friday 18th February

Jane has had quite a good day in that she has been awake a fair bit and pretty lucid. Leo was with her this morning and I was there this afternoon/evening. She saw the Doc at about 5pm but there's no new news - steady as she goes. Jane had a little minced lamb and some sorbet for supper but by then she was pretty tired.

Thanks for all your concern about me - yes, I am enjoying the divan and I confess that I am still running a few times a week and I can't tell you what a lift that is. Actually, truth to tell, it's more jogging these days.

Leo and I are about to share pizza and then I am heading back to Jane.

Thank you all for some really lovely messages today. As usual I will relay to Jane.

God bless you.

Thursday 17th February

I thought twice about including this picture but it's a wonderful moment. Leo took this picture last Wednesday. We had left Jane and gone for a family meal fearing and expecting the worst. We came back and there she was - sitting up and talking absolutely clearly - miracle. No wonder Lydia and I look so happy.

Today Jane is very tired but she is holding her own according to the doctors. She has also been moved to a larger room that has a divan I can sleep on - welcome relief after 10 nights in her reclining chair.

One of the books Jane and I shared and enjoyed 4 years ago when she was very ill was Michael Mayne's "Enduring Melody". In it he quotes from King Lear - we loved:

"Come, let's away to prison:

We two alone will sing like birds i' the cage:

When thou dost ask me blessing, I'll kneel down

And ask of thee forgiveness: so we'll live

And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh

At gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues

Talk of court news: and we'll talk with them too, -

Who loses and who wins; who's in, who's out;-

And take upon's the mystery of things

As if we were God's spies; and we'll wear out,

In a walled prison, packs and scores of great ones,

That ebb and flow by th' moon".

He then proposes that this passage "contains all the essential wisdom we may hope to grow in our declining years". I think Jane would like to share that notion with you.

Thanks, as always, for your love that comes to us in so many forms.

God Bless you.

Wednesday 16th February

Thank you for your messages and love. Don't worry if I don't reply to your emails - the important thing is that I tell Jane who has sent messages and what you have said. It is a great source of strength and happiness for her.

I left the hospice later than normal this morning (I am back at work in a shortened hours capacity) so that I could share breakfast with Jane and we could talk. It was really good to be able to talk over the past week's events and understand what Jane would like for the future - something quite impossible to contemplate 7 days ago.

Jane has more colour in her cheeks now and although she tires very easily she has periods of talking and joking too. We have added soup to the menu although custard remains a firm favourite.

We are blessed; we know it.

God bless you too.

Tuesday 15th February

Jane has been quite bright today. We (me, Lydia and Leo) were all there together for a while this afternoon. Jane was sitting up, spectacles on and quite alert. However, once they left she desperately needed to sleep. Before I left she ate, guess what, more custard.

Leo had been with her this morning. She told him that she knew that she could have gone last week - just drifted off - but she wasn't ready - amazing. At that time we were praying that she would have peace of mind; it all seems to make sense.

Thanks, as ever, to you for your really encouraging messages and prayers.

I have just discovered there is a stats page to this blog. Some days over 450 people check to see how Jane is doing.

God bless you.

Monday 14th February

Jane is still stable and peaceful but very tired. However, she has managed some soup, more custard and some shortbread biscuits. We have an MP3 player and a sound dock in the room and so Jane has had a constant loop of Jacob's wonderful piano playing going all day.

A couple of minor admin points - sorry to be boring! First, Jane still wishes to restrict visitors to immediate family only. She will make contact through me with those friends she specifically wants to see. Secondly, the Hospice staff have advised that they will not give out information about patients over the phone - if you need information about Jane over and above what you can find here, please phone me or email me. I am happy to take calls in the office, at home or on my mobile.

We thank you all for your continuing messages of love and support. Well done those of you who have figured out how to leave messages on the blog!

The photo was taken when we visited the Oman a few years ago.

Sunday 13th February

0815hrs. Jane has slept soundly from about 3pm yesterday until about 7am this morning. When she awoke she ate a bowl of custard - her staple food at the moment. There is no great change in her condition at the moment except to say that she seems a lot more peaceful. Another prayer directly answered.

I cannot thank you enough for all the prayers, messages, calls etc. I hope you will forgive me for not replying except through this medium.

God bless you.

Saturday 12th February

Jane is still improving - she has more colour in her cheeks. She had a bowl of custard and some mint tea at 0545hrs this morning! Of course, everything is relative and she is still very weak but we are a long way from how she was on Wednesday morning. She is still sleeping a great deal and, for the time being, she has asked to keep visitors to the minimum.

I think that prayers for Jane to have peace of mind would be really helpful.

God bless you.

Friday 11th February

2000hrs. Jane was quite awake later today and she has had a little to eat and drink. None of us really knows how this is going to progress; I think we have to take each day as it comes. Thank you for all your continuing prayers and messages.

God Bless.

Friday 11th February

0725hrs. Jane is quiet - I sense she is not quite as alert as she was yesterday. She ate a little supper yesterday evening and we were able to chat a little before "lights out" but she is still very tired and this morning she was not really responding. Thank you for your continuing prayers and messages.

God bless you.

Thursday 10th February 2011

0700hrs. I hardly know where to start. Last night we left Jane and went for a meal. Before leaving the house a friend had phoned and asked what, in particular, they could pray for at our house group last night. As well as Jane, I asked for prayers of strength for me, Leo and Lydia to deal with what is happening. Over dinner, Lydia said that she would like to come back to the hospital along with me and Leo (until now I have been the only one there over night). When we got there Jane was wide awake and perfectly lucid. She ate two bowls of custard (feeding herself) and chatted away to us. All the things we had wanted to say in the past few days were said without any fear of misunderstanding. This morning before we left she was still absolutely clear and we shared another wonderful time together. Of course, I could not say how things will turn now - but what an answer to specific prayer.

On our fridge is an old card sent to us some years ago by a good friend of Jane's - "Miracles are to come".

God bless you

Wednesday 9th February

6.30pm. Jane is very peaceful; Lydia and Leo and her mother and brother are with her too. I have come home to write this and read your emails and pick up phone messages. It has been a day when we all have shed tears. Jane is a little weaker now. She still responds but less frequently and for shorter periods. Andrew Cullis, the rector of St Paul's came and said prayers this morning for a short while; Jane was awake enough to acknowledge him and thank him - what an amazing woman she is - we all know it but I have to say it here again. As I write, I cannot imagine a life without her now.

You have written, phoned and texted from all over the country and all over the world; Cyprus, NZ, Canada, Dubai and so on. Each of your messages has meant a huge amount to each of us and provides wonderful support at a difficult time.

We, the family, will have a meal this evening at one of Jane's favourite restaurants and then Leo and I will be back at the hospice.

God bless you and we thank you.

Wednesday 9th February

It is 0635hrs. I have just come home from the hospice for a wash and shave. Jane had a peaceful night by and large but I sense that she is growing weaker - but it's hard to tell in the wee small hours. We had a few little prayers together- those we have said every morning for years before I go to work. I know from the little squeezes of Jane's fingers that she is aware. She looks very beautiful and is on virtually no medication which is a miracle.

We continue to have wonderful calls and messages of support for which we thank you. Jane's mother and brother, Jonathan, are here now. They are a great support to me and the children.

God bless you.

Tuesday 8th February 2011

1830hrs. We have been with Jane all day. She ate a little porridge at breakfast and a little fish for lunch. I fear we have quite worn her out. The doctors indicate that we may now be in the last days. But we know that we have been blessed as a couple and as a family. We are so grateful for all your prayers and support - messages have literally come in from across the globe. You cannot believe how much they mean to us all.

God bless you.

Tuesday 8th February 2011

It is 6.30am. I have just come back from the hospice for a shower and shave. Jane has had a very peaceful night. She woke enough to greet Leo when he arrived yesterday evening and, together, with Lydia and Luke, we had a blessed time with her. She wasn't talking a great deal but she was absolutely alert and displaying her normal humour and love.

I do thank you for all your messages of love and support and for your prayers. Jane is not in any pain and is on minimal medication. She has a drip in and I pray that she will rally.

I will blog again shortly.

God bless you.

Sunday 6th February 2011

Later. I have just come back from the hospice. Jane hasn't really been awake since midday - she is quite tired out. I would ask for your prayers for her tonight and in the coming days.

God bless you.

Sunday 6th February 2011

Jane is back in the hospice. She had a very busy and tiring time last weekend celebrating our birthdays. Lunches, dinners, theatre etc. My hunch is that she just got really worn out. Yesterday I couldn't really get her to wake up enough to eat and drink and I was worried about trying to struggle on here. Fortunately dear Maggie came to my aid and got me talking to the right doctor and so we found a bed (thank God) in the hospice and so in she went. Jane perked up almost straight away; there is so much love in that place.

There are no signs of dramatic change coming from the blood tests. She is a bit anaemic and may have a couple of units of blood tomorrow. She has a drip in now to help re-hydrate.

Lydia has been brilliant and very supportive of me - very lucky to have here in Salisbury.

So, please continue your prayers for Jane. I will blog again when I have more news.

God bless you.

Thursday 3 February 2011

Leo and I took Jane to see the Bruce Munro light sculpture in the cloisters at Salisbury Cathedral last Sunday. It is constructed of pillars of full water bottles through which he has threaded fibre optic lighting - rather beautiful we thought. My photos don't really do it justice. The steroids are playing havoc with Jane's ankles and so she opted for a wheelchair and declared Leo the better attendant.

Today Jane went to the dentist to have a tooth repaired - damage caused by radiotherapy and then to the hospice to have her syringe driver replaced. She is very tired just now after a very busy birthday weekend.

Thank you for continuing prayers and messages. Please forgive us if we don't reply to every phone message at the moment. We do appreciate your kind thoughts.

God bless you.